Probably the biggest casualty that results from pornography usage is the damage to the marriage and a couple’s sex life.
As a man is caught up in sexual sin, the foundation of the family and society is shaken. His own selfish needs and desires have ensnared him.
The apostle Paul gave a bold instruction when he said, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25).
Dr. Allan Meyer, founder of Careforce Life Keys explains to husbands, that this means we die to ourselves first.
As the head of your family, Paul declares that you must ‘love your wife.’ You can no longer be driven by selfishness. Instead, you must first ‘die to yourself’, meaning you have to kill your ego in favor of making your wife your highest priority (except for God).
Dr. Ted Roberts is the founder of Pure Desire Ministries. He is also the host of the Conquer Series, a powerful cinematic course that has helped over 1 million men find freedom from pornography. He explains,
“Listen son, the purpose of marriage is to crucify you.”
When Dying Comes To Life
According to Mark Ashton, Senior Pastor of Christ Community Church, “When you are dead, humility and submission come much easier. There is no will to power. There is no claiming of rights. There is no need to control…[Our] agenda becomes lifting the other person up, focusing on their needs, and showing them that they are loved. When [we] behave that way, intimacy skyrockets.”
Author Jan Johnson explains in Decision Magazine,
“Sometimes people mistake dying to self for death of self. But self-denial is not self-rejection. God treasures your divinely created self. He doesn’t want to obliterate the part of you that makes you uniquely you. God works within you and reshapes you into the person your renewed-in-Christ self is meant to be: not selfish with what you own, not concerned about how circumstances affect only you, and not crabby when others seem to get what you want.”
This talk of dying to yourself might seem counter intuitive. How can a guy get what he wants by giving everything up? The global Christian church consists of millions of people who love and adore Christ because He first gave up His life. What would your marriage and your family look like if you did the same?
Your Wife’s Needs Come First
Paul says you must love your wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” So you must be willing to sacrifice your own desires and make her needs a priority.
Sacrifice is not merely doing acts of kindness. Of course, it’s nice to help clean the house and take care of the kids. But those are not sacrifices.
Hampton Keathley IV, the co-founder of Bible.org, wrote
“The husband gives up golf or hunting or Monday night football. He does all the chores around the house. He says, “I’ve got an attitude of sacrifice.” But his attitude might be self-centered. Maybe it is nothing more than working up Brownie points. He expects to be paid back. If he doesn’t get paid back, he stops trying… So the goal of love is not just kindness motivated by a desire to make your wife happy. The goal is to build her up to bring about God’s purpose in her.”
Your Wife Needs You To Step Up
Stephen Waldo, the founder of Husband Help Haven, noted,
“True husbandly leadership is borne out of strength, humility and, above all, love. Your wife needs a leader in her marriage. Even if she doesn’t know it. Even if she doesn’t want it. She needs it, and she will love it once she sees it.”
Do you feel sorry for yourself? Do you think that your past pornography usage disqualifies you from being the man your wife needs you to be? This shame is common for those who struggle with porn. Thankfully, Christ took our sin and shame to the cross. Your past sins no longer define your future. Now is the time to determine you will seek help to overcome your porn viewing and begin to restore your marriage.
Putting Her First Will Improve Your Sex Life
Sacrificing for your wife does not mean only during the daily tasks of life. It also includes putting her needs first in making love. You’ll see that it will improve your sex life.
Greg Bondurant, Preaching Minister at Westerville Christian Church in Columbus, Ohio, said,
“Husbands, Paul makes it very simple – crystal clear. If you want to have sex – you’d better make your wife a priority! Because if she feels second rate, low – doormat like – if other people are obviously more important to you – you won’t experience oneness – at least not very often.”
According to website Wikihow, “Any sexual desire as a husband should be cared for with your wife… A husband must see his wife’s sexual desires and make supreme efforts to meet those needs too. Basically, her needs or desires, whether they are financial, physical, emotional or spiritual, must receive your full attention. In this way, you can love her and provide for her, just as much as you do for yourself.”
Learning to Love Again
If you’ve struggled with pornography, it’s likely you’ve subconsciously learned some selfish habits in the bedroom. These are impacting your relationship. You’ll need to learn to admire your wife and not pictures on a screen.
Wikihow noted, “No man should look at other women, or pictures of other women, when he has a wife on whom he can gaze daily. A husband should become fully satisfied with his wife’s body. No matter what the size or shape, if a man will try, and ask God to help him, he can grow to truly find his wife’s body to be the most attractive in the world. This is the true spirit of being captivated with your wife. If you show that you are attracted to her, she will feel sexy and lady-like.”
Also featured in the Conquer Series, Dr. Doug Weiss is an author and psychologist. He explains,
“Sex was designed to be a three-dimensional act and if you embrace full sexuality and you’re literally glued to your precious wife, and you’re not doing porn and you’re not doing other things, you will over time, decrease the neural pathway to pornography and sexually inappropriate thoughts and beliefs, and glue to healthy sexuality to your wife, so that when your brain thinks sex, it thinks, “where’s my wife?”
“Listen, being with your spouse sexually is great. But being with your spouse sexually in a way that puts their needs first is amazing. Selflessness in bed allows both you and your partner to truly show your love for one another. It allows both of you to feel satisfaction in knowing that your spouse cares for you in every area of life. This bond of selflessness will spill over in all the other areas of your marriage too.”
A Powerful Tool To Help You
Are you ready to break free from the bondage of pornography and become the loving, selfless husband your wife needs and desires?
The Conquer Series is a 12-DVD course that is helping men find lasting freedom from pornography. It also gives practical tools to help men renew their mind and learn to love their wife again. Packed with powerful testimonies, each lesson includes strong Biblical teaching, and action scenes.
Jay Seadorf of Wyoming reports,
“I started a group in January and I’ve had one wife tell me she has a new husband, and I’ve seen a big change in others. I enjoy doing this so much.”
Order the Conquer Series today and start the path to a stronger, renewed marriage with the wife God has blessed you with.
The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.
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