To the Heartbroken Wife…
You are devastated and feel like your life has been completely shattered before your eyes. You may have recently made this discovery, or it may be something that you have been struggling with for quite some time.
Your husband is addicted to pornography.
If you recently found this out, you are going through a myriad of emotions. You are heartbroken, devastated, angry, and feeling betrayed. Your brain is constantly whirling with thoughts of how you must not be good enough, you must not meet his needs, you are not pretty enough, and so on.
I want you to know that none of those things running through your mind hold true.
According to statistics presented in the Conquer Series, most individuals in sexual bondage have wounds that were caused during childhood or adolescence. They’ve learned to medicate those wounds with pornography. When they experience pain or stress of life, they revert back to acting out to make themselves feel good.
If you have known for a long time, you are still going through a lot of emotions. Too quickly, you have realized that pornography spares no one in it’s path. What your husband thought in the beginning was only for him is now trickling down through the family. Sadly, its now having a negative impact on him, you, your marriage, your family, both of your careers, and even your spiritual life.
There is hope!
When I was caught up in this raging storm in my own life, I found hope and encouragement in Third Day’s song, “I Need a Miracle.”
It starts out, “…she was tired of the lies, tired of the fight……she fell on her knees and said I haven’t prayed since I was young, but Lord above I need a miracle.” The song continues on to say that the husband found himself in a broken, overwhelmed state ready to take his own life. In desperation, he cried out to the Lord. The song ends with “…and on that night, they found a miracle.”
“And call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify me.”
You need to know that you are not alone in your struggle. There are women all around the world who are currently facing the same things that you are facing.
Now is the time to begin your own personal healing process. Find a friend who has faced a similar struggle. Share your heart with her, and allow her to continuously uplift you in prayer.
Worldly opinions on this matter may frustrate you, so use caution. In my attempt to find someone who would guide me on this healing journey, I was often told that I needed to accept the fact that all men do it (which really irritated me!) or I should leave my husband because I deserved more.
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
-1 Corinthians 13:7
The reality was that my spouse deserved more too. He deserved to know how it feels to live in freedom, broken free from the chains of addiction. In those moments, as difficult as it was, he needed to know that someone was willing to love him past his flaws. Jesus saw past my imperfections and personal struggles…yet he loved me the whole way to the cross!
Continue to pray not only for yourself, but for your husband as well. It is a journey…no, I better rephrase that to say that it is an uphill climb straight up the side of the world’s tallest mountain! It is possible, so don’t you give up!
Looking back now at my own journey, I am thankful that I never gave up on my husband. The journey to healing was long and difficult, but taking the time to heal together made our relationship grow at a much deeper level than we could have ever imagined. Today, I am able to use my struggle and pain to minister to other women.
It is my hope that you and your husband will begin a powerful, healing process. I pray that you will see God move mightily on this area of your life and all of the areas that have been impacted along the way. I look forward to hearing of the testimonies that will continue to rise out of the ashes that pornography creates.
KingdomWorks Studios is currently working on a new series for women, designed especially for the wives of men going through the Conquer Series. We would greatly appreciate your prayers as we work towards completing this project which has been two years in the making. You can also support this project financially on our donations page.
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