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Why Are So Many Men Single?

By Carol Archebelle

10 Comments

Looking for that perfect mate is a proverbial problem that has paved a way for profitable businesses. From shows like Millionaire Matchmaker to online dating websites like eHarmony, single men (and women) are looking for love. But even with a myriad of matchmaking tools and avenues, finding the right one hasn’t been more difficult as it is today.

Men are simply staying single longer than they ever have before.

Not only is the percentage of married Americans at its lowest since 1920, the marriage age is also at its highest ever – 29.5 years old on average for men according to a February 2017 Pew Research Center report.

In other words, less men are tying the knot and by the time they do, they’re almost 30. At first glance, you might think: ‘That’s not so bad.’ However, when you examine the developing trend much closer, you’ll realize there’s something more alarming to these statistics.

So, what’s the reason men are staying single longer?

Porn.

In November 2014, a study released by The Institute for the Study of Labor (ISL) in Germany, analyzing over a thousand surveys of men aged 18 to 35, found that porn makes marriage less attractive to men, who are able to find ‘low cost sexual gratification’ via other avenues.

How can this be?

Dr. Judith Reisman, author, historian and activist who won a lawsuit against Playboy, likens the phenomena to that of the gypsy moth in a late 1960s experiment.

Real vs. Synthetic Attraction

“Years ago, someone had the clever idea to establish an amazing new silk industry in the United States, so they brought in gypsy moths [to mate and] create [it],” explains Reisman.

Instead, they ate our trees. The effects were disastrous. It was time to destroy the moths before they destroyed our forests, but pesticide after pesticide didn’t do the job.

“Finally, somebody came up with the very creative erotic concept… to have synthetic but intense smells of the female moths put into little pellets.” said Reisman.

At mating time, the male gypsy moths would seek after the smell of the female gypsy moths. All around them females were fluttering, waiting to be chosen, but the male gypsy moths would continue to float all around, looking for that perfect mate… and finding no one.

“She’s all over the place, but he is not finding her,” said Reisman.

He didn’t find her, because the natural female scent couldn’t compete with the synthetic lab-created smell they had been exposed to.

“Eventually, they couldn’t mate [and] they died, because that smell that never, never equals what she’s got,” concluded Reisman. “In essence, that is exactly what has been happening with pornography.”

Porn reduces desire to marry – and stay married

Sexual gratification, for the most part, used to be synonymous with marriage. Today, that is found elsewhere.

This, in turn, affects the marriage rate.

Men who are 25 to 34 years old are six times more likely to be never married than they were in 1970. And men 35 to 44 are four times more likely to have never been married, according to the ISL study.

Think you are in the clear if you are already married? Think again.

Viewing X-rated films was associated with unhappiness in marriage, a decreased satisfaction with and lower frequency of intimate relations, and a higher likelihood of having an affair and getting a divorce, the ISL study found.

To top it off, wives are more likely to equate porn use with infidelity.

Even more disturbing – the study pointed to a claim that 87% of young men use porn. That means a vast majority of young men are growing up with porn and learning to attach to that which is synthetic. Can you imagine what kind of impact that will have on society for years to come?

But why? The chemicals that drive us

According to experts, Dr. Weiss, Executive Director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center and Dr. Tim Jennings, neuroscientist and author of The God Shaped Brain, there are some chemical reasons that men become embroiled in pornography – and can’t let it go.

“Whatever a man looks at, at the point of orgasm, he will attach to,” says Dr. Weiss.

Neurochemicals as powerful as drugs flood the brain when you watch porn.

Bonding hormones, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, which are normally released when a man and a woman are skin to skin with each other are released when a man watches porn.

These neurochemicals were designed by God to give us pleasure within the right relationships and by performing the right actions, but when they’re done outside of God’s will they create addictions and a cycle of shame that accompanies their behavior.

“Addictions decouple the higher cortical functions. When we do that through pornography… [it] surges dopamine into the pleasure circuits in a very similar way that drugs do, and it… damages those areas of the brain,” said Jennings. “So over the course of time, as you do this, the dopamine circuits of the brain become less responsive to normal pleasure.”

So Godly pleasure is no longer pleasurable.

Strawberries aren’t as sweet

Jennings points to a strawberry analogy to help explain.

“If you are really starving, ravenous, and hungry and there is a fresh bowl of perfectly ripe strawberries on the table, how would they taste?” Jennings asked. “They would taste sweet, and you’d get pleasure… it’s good.”

In your brain, your nucleus accumbens is activated and you are getting dopamine surges.

However, if you look at those same strawberries after eating a Snickers bar, they don’t taste so sweet. In fact, they can taste downright sour to you.

It’s not the strawberries that have changed – it’s you.

“You’ve artificially overstimulated your taste receptors with a high concentration of manmade sugar product, because you can’t go pick a Snickers bar off of a tree.” concludes Jennings.

Finding our way back into love

So how do we as individuals and as a society return to what is real?

There are ways to reset a brain that’s hooked on porn. It doesn’t involve willpower or simply trying harder.

It takes time and the creation of new neural pathways in the brain.

“Telling a man to try harder is only tightening the noose,” explains Dr. Ted Roberts, former Marine Fighter Pilot, pastor, and host of the Conquer Series which was has helped over 450,000 men conquer porn and walk in freedom. “Our goal with the Conquer Series is to give men a battle plan for purity. We’ve got a great tool here that will change lives.”

Reisman, Weiss. Jennings and Roberts are among the many experts featured in the Conquer Series who provide amazing insight that helps set men free from pornography and sexual sin, while providing practical steps and biblically based principles to live in purity.

Order the Conquer Series today.


The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic 12-disc DVD series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.


Get started, and order the Conquer Series today.


10 Replies to “Why Are So Many Men Single?”

  1. natureman  November 14, 2017

    Perhaps there is some truth to the effect of the porn industry but we also live in a me first culture. When I was a young man I deeply loved a woman in my church but in time it turned out she did not want me and married a guy who was once our youth pastor, who incidently was fired after a short time for being a phoney. Next I fell for a pastor’s daughter who was beautiful but her heart was not in the Lord and though never said so was not interested in me. After many attempts I no longer find women very desirable. Sex is overated and why would I want to get married only to end up divorced. Divorce evenbfor right reasons is a painful and scarring experience. I belonged to an adult Sunday school class and almost everyone was divorced. Now in my early 60s I find little interest in women. Not so attractive later in life especially divorced women. Being single has allowed me the freedom to do and experience great adventures that I would never had experienced if I had married. I would still be interested in getting married but I haven’t met a nice woman in probably 20 years. I agree porn is a big problem for both men and women. You add to this a culture that encourages putting yourself first doesn’t help. I would rather be single then be regularly dissappointed by not being wanted.

    • Patrick  November 14, 2017

      I agree. Saying that porn is the only reason for why men are single is the wrong way to go in such a multifaceted problem. Yes porn is a problem, but just like porn is a problem for men(primarily), so also do women have their own issues and battles to fight, because in order for a relationship to work it takes two people pulling their own weight.

    • DougG  March 12, 2018

      This article is very very convenient to the churchian feminists who want to remove all guilt from women (except if they look at porn). A lot of Good Christian Women (GCW™)” date non-Christian bad boys while in their 20s because those nice Christian boys are “wimps” and don’t give them the tingles the way the bad boys do. But after having their fill of the bad boys (who sex them up but won’t marry them), the GCWs decide in their 30s that it’s time for the Christian guys to “man up” and marry them. The marriage statistics are horribly skewed by Pick Up Artists and bored GCWs.

  2. StanUlam  June 22, 2018

    Marriage and divorce are financial and legal nightmares for men. Men are getting smarter.

    • Billywizzer  October 23, 2018

      I agree, the young men I know will only rent a property and have their own bank accounts, they see long term relationships as fraught with financial problems so choose to stay well clear.

  3. Embrace Reality  December 19, 2018

    Meanwhile women, including Christian women, are consuming vast amounts of written novels and all manner of media riddled with illicit sexual scenes for which they receive virtually no criticism. Studies also now show that growing numbers of women are consuming porn as well. No matter, it’s always a male problem because thats convenient for women to blame men.

    As a Christian man who does not look at porn I find it easier to avoid by simply Understanding what it is. Manipulation of anyone who consumes it. Primarily female images used to manipulate men for their money and ultimately their souls. I’m sure the author of this article knows, but didn’t bother to mention, porn in our society is the result of feminism. Main stream feminism in 2018 protects both the pornographers (many pornographers are also women) and women who participate because these women know that their power to manipulate men ultimately lies in their sexuality.

    Don’t expect things to get any better until there is equality in accountability for both genders. So don’t expect things to get any better, rather worse.

    • Conquer Series  March 21, 2019

      It is no secret that women, even women within the church, also struggle with pornography/sexual addiction issues. And healing for both men and women is vital. We have heard of churches who have made the choice to offer the Conquer Series to their women, and they are seeing many chains being broken.

      Pure Desire Ministries has created a workbook study for women struggling with addiction. It is called Eight Pillars to Freedom.

  4. Let The Truth Be Known  February 5, 2019

    A very excellent topic to talk about since it really does take two too tango today. Well unfortunately for many of us good innocent single men that are still looking now as i speak since the kind of women nowadays are really too blame for that one as well. Women are quite different today from the past, that is for sure. Since so many women now have their Careers are so very high maintenance, independent, very selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very very money hungry as well altogether which tells the whole true story right there. It is these type of women that will only want the very best of all, and will never ever settle for less either. And with so many women these days that are looking for men with only a lot of money to begin with, which makes these type of very pathetic women just Real Gold Diggers anyway altogether now. Most of these very pathetic low life loser women are nothing but users anyway since they really are so very money hungry today more than ever, and most of these women unfortunately will just use men for money just to get what they really want. So it is very obvious that most of the women now will never ever go with many of us men that make much less money either, and they will never be able to Accept many of us men for who we really are even though many of us are good men that are really looking for an honest relationship today. And many women are just Not nice at all when many of us men will try to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet, and most of the time they will be so very nasty to us and walk away anyway. Most women just Don’t have any good manners anymore when it comes to men, and their personality is very horrible as well since i really believe that most women now are real Feminists and men haters as well. Now in the good old days most women back then were the very complete opposite of today, and very much Real Ladies as well which made love very easy to find back then with No Trouble at all for the men that were looking at that time. It is just too very bad that many of us good men today were just born at such a very bad time unfortunately, and many of us would have been all settled down by now had we been born back then. Very obvious why so many men are now going MGTOW today because of these kind of women that have caused it to begin with.

  5. That Is The Reason  April 8, 2019

    FEMINISM.

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