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How To Decrease America’s Divorce Rate

By Conquer Series

19 Comments

While demographers argue whether the US divorce rate is rising or falling, one thing is common in most divorce cases. Pornography. Pornography is not something that only affects the person using it. The negative impact of porn also reaches into his family, and most significantly threatens his marriage.

Many studies and research projects have revealed that pornography is a main cause in many divorces.

Here’s What The Stats Show

  • Dr. Jill Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist, testified before the U.S. Senate that 56 percent of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.
  • Lifesite News reports that Dr. Patrick F. Fagan, Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, “found that pornography use causes instability, distrust, and betrayal in marriages, severely damaging the bond between the husband and wife.”
  • Dr. Fagan said, “Viewers of pornography assign increased importance to sexual relations without emotional involvement. The emotional distance fostered by pornography… can often be just as damaging to the relationship as real-life infidelity, and both men and women tend to put online sexual activity in the same category as having an affair.”
  • Recovery Ranch states that “Many national divorce lawyers are agreeing with Fagan, with a meeting survey from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showing that more than 60 percent agreed that Internet pornography was linked to higher rates of divorce. They also agree that the prolific spread of Internet pornography during the past few years is a factor. Representatives from the association have stated that less than a decade ago, pornography didn’t appear in divorce cases.”
  • The same academy stated that 68% of divorce cases involve one partner starting an affair over the internet.
  • Dr. Kevin B. Skinner wrote in a Psychology Today article that “Every year for the past decade there have been roughly 1 million divorces in the United States. If half of the people divorcing claim pornography as the culprit, that means there are 500,000 marriages annually that are failing due to pornography.”
  • Millennials are also large consumers of porn, which will impact future marriages. A 2006 study found that 84 percent of people between 18-49 years of age view porn.

How To Avoid Being A Divorce Statistic

It seems simple. Remove porn from the equation, deal with the underlying issues and the divorce rate will fall. However, with 68% of church going men viewing porn on a regular basis, the divorce rate even in the church is going to continue to climb. You need a process to find lasting freedom from porn and shift your focus to loving your wife. Recognize the effects porn is having on your relationship. Dealing with your porn usage will enable you to become the husband your wife desires and deserves.

Stephen Waldo, the founder of Husband Help Haven, wrote “What seems to you like nothing more than what all guys do, seems to your wife like a deeply emotional attack on her self-worth…Instead of spending time thinking about how you can justify your actions, you would be much better served by reflecting on what is missing from your marriage or your life that led you to seek comfort in pornography.”

Steps to a Better Marriage

Here are some steps you can take to become a better husband and see your marriage become one that honors both your wife and God.

  • Passionately pursue God. When you get your relationship right with Him, your other relationships will fall in line.
  • Become accountable to other godly men who have personally experienced porn addiction. Find a Conquer Series small group or another accountability group. You need the support and encouragement these men will give you.
  • Install Internet blocking protection on your computer and all your electronic devices. This is another layer of accountability.
  • Go to bed when your wife does. Don’t allow for time you can secretly view porn while she sleeps.
  • Make your wife your priority. Show her that you value and desire time with her more than anyone or anything else.
  • Take your wife on dates. Show affection. Talk openly and honestly with her.
  • Don’t just talk with her, make sure you listen to her. Make eye contact and focus only on her without distractions.
  • Most importantly, understand and receive the fullness of God’s grace for you. God tells us that if we ask for His forgiveness for our sins – and that includes our sexual sins – He will lovingly do so. Then release all the pains, failures and disappointments of your past and forgive yourself. Only you can do that. Then true healing can begin.

Restoring your marriage and rebuilding your wife’s trust in you will take time. But think back to when you first fell in love with her and then spoke those vows to her. That kind of deep love and intimate union can never be found on your computer screen.

Hope For Your Marriage

Your marriage is worth fighting for. Your pornography usage must be overcome, and the Conquer Series will help you get freedom from your porn bondage.

The Conquer Series is an award-winning 12-DVD small group resource that is helping nearly one million men worldwide find lasting freedom from porn. The videos contain powerful testimonies, strong Bible teaching, and exciting action scenes.

A personal journal and study guides are available to keep you focused on the lessons each day and help you avoid a relapse.

Edward Froese said,

“Thank you for the Conquer Series…Amazing stuff!! Thank you for providing such amazing material to show us God’s amazing love to us…Our marriage is wonderful again, and that was not because my wife had to change. I had to change, and I invited the Lord to change my heart and He has. I love meeting with the Lord every day. This takes my eyes off the world and my issues and fills my heart with joy and peace.”

Breaking free from pornography will not be easy. It will take some hard work and the willingness to be honest and open with yourself and other men. But your marriage will become stronger and you will be free of the guilt and shame of pornography addiction.

Order the Conquer Series today and get started on the path to being porn-free and a better husband.


The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic 12-disc DVD series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.


Get started, and order the Conquer Series today.


20 Replies to “How To Decrease America’s Divorce Rate”

  1. Janie  February 7, 2019

    We cannot decrease the divorce rate. There are not enough real Christian counselors. Not enough pastors willing to recognize the harm of porn. From experience. Not divorced yet but coming close every day that passes. 45 plus years. Discouraged.

    • Terry Brown  February 7, 2019

      So sorry for what you have experienced. Prayers.

    • Conquer Series  February 8, 2019

      Janie, thank you for your comment. Your story is exactly why we do what we do–so that marriages can begin to find healing and restoration. It is our prayer that through the use of the Conquer Series, church leaders will feel equipped to tackle this issue within the church.

      • Janie  February 9, 2019

        When a KJB teaching pastor says no. Looks the other way. When your husband does not care. The burden is the wife’s. I was told not to even ask for prayer from the church body because it might ruin his reputation. For real.

        • Conquer Series  February 11, 2019

          Janie, I am so very sorry to hear of all that you are going through right now. It is important that you have a support system of some kind to help encourage you, as this is your journey too. Regardless of whether an individual is male or female, they need someone in their lives who will lift them up when they have fallen down. Someone who will walk alongside them, no matter what the journey looks like, and who will be uplifting prayers for them even when the person themselves cannot find the strength to pray or the words to say. I pray that God will move mightily in the heart and life of both your husband and pastor, and that God will provide you with comfort, strength, peace, and direction at this time. -Kayla

        • Michael Collins  February 20, 2019

          What is a KJB teaching pastor?

          • Janie  February 21, 2019

            A pastor who preaches strictly from King James Bible.

          • Michael Collins  February 22, 2019

            So is that supposed to make him better or worse than a pastor who uses the ESV or NIV? They all say sexual sin is bad. What difference does it make which version of the Bible you use. Sin is sin. A pastor who won’t call out your husband’s sin is a lousy pastor no matter what Bible he teaches from.

  2. Keith Petersen  February 8, 2019

    Thanks for this article. While divorce is an increasingly common reality, and the value and purpose of marriage is being lost, there is still hope. Thought the darkness seems to be growing, the grace and truth and light of Christ can show off even brighter.
    Hanging on to hope that there is a way for me and the Church to heal!

  3. Michael Collins  February 18, 2019

    End no fault divorce and put the onus back on the spouse who is pursuing the divorce. The spouse who wants to save the marriage should not be forced into an involuntary divorce. Children should not be the victims of the sins of their parents and their interest is primarily served by saving the marriage. Addressing pornography is only a part of the battle. But unfortunately, porn is being used as the scapegoat to cover up the sins of the divorce-initiating spouse. Divorce almost always involves a lot of sin on the part of BOTH spouses. This is politically-incorrect to say because there is a mindset in the church that almost always blames the husband for the failure of a marriage, and porn is the go-to explanation. But it is not the only sin that exists and it is not the only cause of divorce.

    I went through another anti-porn study program only to be served with divorce papers after fulfilling the full disclosure part of the process. After being forced out of my home and divorced, my wife’s former boyfriend moved in with her and they are now shacking up with my children in the house. This divorce will count in your statistics as a porn-caused divorce because she used it as the ostensible reason. But I learned after the fact that before I did the full disclosure, she had already been involved with her ex-boyfriend.

    My wife now goes to my church with her boyfriend and nobody gives her any grief about her living situation. Women’s Bible Studies do not address the sexual sins of women and her friends go along with her excuse that it was all my fault because of porn. I am now looking for a new church because my so-called friends turned their backs on me. They don’t care about my loss because they believe that every bad thing that happens is my own fault. My wife could cry a river and the women would circle the wagons. But as a man in the church, I am told to man up and get my act together. No compassion for me losing my children. No compassion for me for half my income being confiscated. No compassion for me owing lawyers a pile of money. I guess the only way I could get any compassion now is to come out as gay or transgendered.

    • Conquer Series  February 20, 2019

      Hi Michael,

      I am very sorry to hear of all that you have had to go through while embarking on the journey to healing. It is disheartening to hear of the number of people who have taken sides, or turned their back on you–especially within the church.

      The statistics indicate that pornography was cited within the reasoning for the divorce, but I can agree that there are times when other underlying issues are present. And men are not the only ones who struggle with sexual sin, as many studies show that the number of women seeking out pornography is on the rise. Infidelity, whether it be in a physical relationship or lusting with the eyes, does in fact cause a significant amount of harm to the marriage. And it has to be a choice on behalf of both individuals whether they are willing towards resolution and restoration.

      I want to encourage you to continue to remain strong and steadfast on your recovery journey. Though you may have lost your marriage, and now face separation from your kids and a decrease in your income, I believe that God will honor your heart, intentions, and bravery to walk out a journey that brings you to the fullness in Christ that you deserve. Your kids may not be able to see the effort that you’re putting in right now to be a better man, but I believe that one day they will look back and recognize that even though you lost it all, you still persevered for their sake.

      Job 42: 10, “After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before.”

      Through the fiery trial, I believe that God will honor you In the end when you seek to glorify His name regardless of how things are looking in your life at the moment. Please know that our staff is lifting you up in prayer!

      -Kayla

      • Michael Collins  February 20, 2019

        The purpose of disclosing my porn use was supposed to be about enlisting my wife’s help in the struggle and addressing what my counselor called “her right to know that she was being betrayed.” It was not to hand a weapon of mass destruction to my wife with the church sisterhood circling the wagons around her. Is it the position of the Conquer Series that there are no obligations on the part of my wife to address her own behavior? That she is entitled to maximum retribution for my porn use? Your response indicates you are not focused on the point of the email which is to address the issues of fundamental justice, none of which I can change myself but if recognized by others can contribute to the advance of fundamental fairness.

        1. Is it justice that my wife faces no accountability for her boyfriend living with her? Contrast that with the initial accountability I faced when first addressing my porn problem combined with the accountability I faced by the family courts.

        2. Is it justice that pornography is used by my ex-wife as the reason for our divorce when she had already begun an extramarital relationship and had absolutely no incentive to forgive me?

        3. Is it justice that my wife to this day has not been confronted by the elders in our church for her contribution to the dissolution of our marriage?

        4. Is it justice that my children are now subjected to an immoral living situation with the presence of a man that is not their father nor the husband of their mother?

        5. Is it justice that the church is now embarking on a massive shift in its dealings with the so-called LGBTQ community, emphasizing compassion and tolerance, while at the same time practicing what is essentially a zero-tolerance policy towards pornography?

        6. Is it justice that the sexual sins of women are never considered grounds for divorce while my church sees any level of porn use grounds for divorce and encourages divorce in many cases but only when it involves the sins of husbands?

        7. Is it justice that wives initiate 75% of all divorces under a no-fault system that empowers the spouse seeking divorce and disempowers the spouse who wants to save the marriage?

        • Conquer Series  February 21, 2019

          Hi Michael,
          We recognize that a healing journey must be embarked upon by every member of the family. While the Conquer Series is our only product currently, our team is working on other films that will bring healing to the wife, the marriage, and the family.

          I have a unique opportunity in the fact that I get to speak to people on a daily basis, some who are struggling with addictions, some who are the spouses of the addict, and others who are the churches searching for products that bring the healing that is desperately needed. I have shared in many articles that I have written that I was a betrayed spouse, and I also made some choices in retaliation or in an effort to numb my own pain. Our home was a mess to say the very least!

          It would have been easy to throw our hands up, accept the divorce (after all, broken marriages were in our family history), and move on. But instead, we took the difficult road of navigating our way through brokenness and finding our way back to wholeness. I share my experience with wives, and I tell them that healing cannot be placed solely on the shoulders of the husband. For wives, I encourage them to check into the Betrayal & Beyond course while they await the next series from KingdomWorks Studios.

          It is common for people to say that it is the man’s problem, but I completely agree that resolution has to be sought after by both parties. Both have wounds, whether they are caused from the marital dysfunction or stem from childhood. When only one person seeks healing, a ceiling is created. The relationship can only advance as high as the ceiling, and when the one trying to find that healing reaches that point, they’ll have no place to go but to bounce back down. It is unhealthy, it is unfair, and it can cause a lot of devastation not only to the couple but to the children as well.

          I understand that you’re in a situation where things don’t seem fair, and I honestly don’t have an answer for that. I can and will offer up my prayers for you, and will stand in agreement that God will show you a purpose for all of the pain that you’re enduring. May you remain steadfast in knowing that God promises justice, and He has the final say even though you may not be experiencing it yet.

          -Kayla

          • Mitch  February 22, 2019

            Is Betrayal and Beyond about her being betrayed or does it deal with her also betraying Michael? Sounds a little one-sided. I think Michael got the shaft and nobody wants to deal with it because his situation doesn’t fit the narrative of the successfully healed former porn addict who now finds happiness and joy in his newly strengthened marriage. Instead of a Kendrick Brothers movie his is more like War of the Roses.

          • Conquer Series  February 22, 2019

            Hi Mitch,

            Thanks for the question! The curriculum, whether it be Conquer Series materials or the Betrayal & Beyond study, is going to focus on trying to keep the marriage together. It is for this reason that our team intends to create studies that will bring healing to both parties, the marriage, and the family.

            That being said, I have been working through the Betrayal & Beyond study. This study is going to not only discuss healing from the hurt caused by the spouse seeking out pornography, but is also going to have wives take a look at their reactions in response to their husband’s struggle. It’s important for people to realize that oftentimes we respond out of something that was already endured in our past. The study will talk about codependency, anger (what’s healthy and what’s not), and more. We’re not the creators of the Betrayal & Beyond study, and I have not been the whole way through it, so those questions may be better discussed with Pure Desire Ministries.

            Having been from a different state before moving here, I have learned that each state seems to have their own laws in regards to many topics–including divorce. We cannot speak on the laws, as we did not create them, and the situation may vary significantly from case to case. It is our goal that by having not only the Conquer Series in place, but as we work towards creating new film studies, that couples will recognize that healing can take place and restoration can begin.

            For legal advice, it is best to seek the counsel of your attorney. We continue to pray daily for all of the men going through the Conquer Series, as well as their families.

            -Kayla

          • Michael Collins  February 22, 2019

            Another enemy of marriage and proper sexual ethics on my wife’s part is the law itself. Here is a quote from a legal website:

            “In the recent case of King v. King, a case from the Second District Court of Appeal, a former husband brought a claim against his ex-wife, trying to reduce his alimony obligation based on the alleged existence of a supportive relationship. He was able to prove that she exhibited the requirements of a supportive relationship, as the boyfriend contributed $1,000 per month to the household expenses, and they had been living together for an extended period of time.

            However, even though he showed financial interdependence between the two of them, since their cohabitation began prior to the entry of the final judgment of dissolution of marriage and award of alimony, the appellate court concluded that the former husband’s alimony award could not be reduced. The court stated that the statutory language in Florida Statute section 61.14(1)(b) indicates that a relationship is only “supportive” if it has existed “since the granting of a divorce and the award of alimony.”

            As a result, because the former wife was already cohabitating with her boyfriend at the time of the divorce and alimony award, the other circumstances demonstrating their financial interdependence would not qualify to reduce the former husband’s obligation because it had not happened “since” that time.

            As a practicing family law attorney in the Carrollwood area, we see cases like this quite frequently, illustrating how each individual court ruling is incredibly fact-intensive. For instance, if the former wife had remarried the boyfriend after the divorce, or alternatively if the boyfriend had moved in with the former wife the day after the final judgment dissolving the marriage, the former husband could probably have gotten the alimony reduced.

            It may appear to many that the result of this case would encourage parties to start living with their paramour prior to a final divorce if they want to prevent a latter reduction of alimony based on a supportive relationship. While I do not believe that this was what the legislature intended in creating this statute, it seems to be the only logical outcome if the courts apply facts to the statute as it is currently written.

            So her decision to move the boyfriend in prior to our divorce was calculated to keep my alimony payments to her from ever being reduced. So the church doesn’t care and the law doesn’t care. Pay up buddy, because you looked at porn and your wife just won the divorce lottery.

          • Michael Collins  February 25, 2019

            I read the Covenant Eyes blog and there are a lot of people on it who urge women to pursue divorce for practically any level of porn use. There is no concern about any dysfunction or adverse behavior on the wife’s part that may have preceded the porn problem (sexual refusal, gatekeeping, emotional or sexual baggage brought into the marriage, etc.). In fact, I think that it is considered politically incorrect to even suggest that porn use is ever preceded by sin on the wife’s part since that is seen as tantamount to blaming her.

            But hilariously, my ex-wife’s best friend blames me for the fact that my ex “was forced to seek the support” of her ex-boyfriend because of my “betrayal.” He “has to live with her” to help raise my kids. So none of her sins justifies my porn, but my porn justifies all of her subsequent sins because she is the betrayed victim and I am the evil perpetrator.

            When I brought this up to the leader of our men’s ministry he said that he would talk to the boyfriend and encourage him to “do the right thing,” whatever that means. Move out? Marry her?

            What is painfully obvious from the way my church deals with these things is that what will never happen is accountability for my wife’s actions. Our church and most others only believe that accountability groups and accountability partners are only for men. Wives don’t need it because they don’t sin as much, I guess.

          • Conquer Series  February 25, 2019

            Michael,

            There are times when you will encounter individuals who believe that someone cannot change—but they don’t understand the power of Christ at work in one’s life. I know, because I had many people tell me that I should divorce my husband, saying things like “He’ll never change.” But, I stayed…and I surrendered it all to God—and he did change, and I found healing.

            I’m sorry that you’re not experiencing that outcome right now. And I’m sorry that the church seems to be failing you, and your wife’s friends seem to be shifting the blame right now. We continue to pray for you. We cannot control the actions of others, as the only people that we can control is ourselves.

            -Kayla

          • Michael Collins  February 25, 2019

            From the Covenant Eyes blog:

            “Pornography is seen as adultery by almost every conservative Christian I know of. Adultery violates the terms of the covenant of marriage, and is the standard upon which Jesus said marriages could be dissolved. Therefore, every woman who endures this violation in her marriage is, by conservative Christian biblical principles, free to go.”

          • Conquer Series  February 25, 2019

            Hi Michael,

            Thank you for sharing the quote. I have not read the article in its entirety, so I cannot comment on it. However, I can say that KingdomWorks Studios and the Conquer Series are not responsible for content that may be found on other websites, including Covenant Eyes. That is an entirely different organization, and you may wish to contact them for further discussion of their blog posts.

            -Kayla

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