The Bible leaves no uncertainty that a man needs to be the spiritual leader in his home. This is an awesome responsibility and one that creates much anxiety for many men, especially those struggling with pornography.
Perhaps you never had a loving father as a role model, and in fact he was mentally or physically abusive to you. And maybe you didn’t have any other men in your life who provided good guidance and spiritual training for you.
You are not alone. Multitudes of men have had setbacks, especially in the area of sexual sin, including one of the greatest heroes of the Bible, David. And yet, the Scripture says that he was “a man after God’s own heart”.
David failed miserably, so how did he come back from such shame and disappointment? The first step he took was to confess his sins – asking for forgiveness and then turning away from his sin. God, in His mercy, forgave him just like He will forgive you. The greater failure that can keep you from being the godly leader in your home is the burden of unconfessed sin.
Proverbs 24:16 states, “For a righteous man falls seven times, and rises again.” Though we stumble, and at times fall, we are not to stay in that place of defeat. We are called to rise up and move forward.
More Than a Conqueror
In the Conquer Series, a cinematic DVD study created to help men battling pornography, Dr. Ted Roberts shares,
“God wants to turn you into more than a conqueror; not just a conqueror, but more than a conqueror. What “more than a conqueror” means is that every time the enemy knocks you down, by the grace of God, you get back up.”
Of course, that is no excuse to continue viewing pornography. But it does mean that God loves you even when you fall short of the standards of righteousness. And He still wants you to rise up and become a spiritual leader in your home.
Remember what Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14: “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” So don’t let your past hold you back either. You have an important job to do.
Being the Spiritual Leader of Your Home
So how do you become your family’s spiritual leader? Jesus showed us that to be a leader, you first must be a servant and put the needs of others ahead of your own. Here are a few lessons Jesus taught about leadership:
• He led by example. Jesus did not simply make speeches or give lists of rules to follow. He showed people through his actions and words of truth how to live a life that was pleasing to God.
• He spent personal time with God. The New Testament gives many accounts of Jesus going away by himself to spend time praying and communing with His Father. If these times were strengthening and refreshing for Jesus, time alone with God is also extremely valuable for us.
• He prayed for and with those closest to Him. Imagine the impact on His disciples when they heard Him call their names in prayer or pray for their needs. Your family will feel the same comfort and power when you do the same.
• He was always being a servant. Few things show love and the true spirit of putting other people’s needs ahead of your own than serving them. Humility is a characteristic of a true leader.
• He valued the input of His disciples. Jesus often asked them questions and then intently listened to their answers. Listening to your wife’s insights and feedback (and your children’s, as appropriate) will help you make sound decisions that will benefit the whole family.
What Constitutes a Godly Man?
A key element of the Biblical Blueprint for Manhood is being a godly man. But what does it mean to be a godly man?
According to Pastoral Care, Inc.,
“A godly man is more than a male Christian. It is one with integrity, honor, living fully by the Word of God, one who shows love but at the same time, helps encourage others to live according to the Word without reproach. He is a man who goes beyond his own pleasures and has sought a pleasure with Christ.”
Compelling Truth explains, “The godly man is imperfect and knows that he will remain that way until he is with Jesus in heaven. In the meantime, the desire of his heart is to first and foremost be pleasing to the Lord. He works to live his life as Jesus did, surrendering all areas of weakness to Him in hopes of overcoming them…any man is able to be a godly man if he loves God and seeks to be obedient to Him in all things.”
Lusting of the Eyes is Like Adultery
To be a godly man and leader, a person who struggles with pornography must take accountability for his actions and admit that his porn viewing is severely impacting his ability to fully follow the Biblical Blueprint for Manhood. According to Matthew 5:27-30, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Jim Vander Spek, the author of Overcoming Lust, wrote, “While (some Christian men) would not condone other sins, like stealing, they somehow have been convinced that lust is different. Unfortunately, victory over sin is not automatic. Rather, as with other sins, this thorny bush must be thoroughly uprooted. Otherwise, it will entangle and prevent us from being fruitful.”
Vander Spek added, “Jesus deplored hypocrisy more than any underlying sin. If we are Christians who harbor sexual fantasies, we are hypocrites – double-minded, unstable men… Even while we are professing our faith and acting clean on the outside, we are actually “dirty cups” on the inside.”
The Fight of Faith
Kevin DeYoung, the senior pastor of Christ Covenant Church in Matthews, North Carolina, said, “The fight for sexual purity is the fight of faith. It may sound like nothing but hard work and gritting your teeth–the very opposite of faith. But faith is at the heart of this struggle. Do we believe that a glimpse of God is better than a glimpse of skin? Do we believe that God’s steadfast love is better than life (Psalm 63:3)? We’d probably sin less if we spent less time thinking about our sins, sexual or otherwise, and more time meditating on the love and holiness of God.”
God loves you unconditionally and will forgive any sin if we repent. In Psalm 32, King David wrote, “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity.” You can be a blessed man of God!
You Can Overcome Pornography
You can become the spiritual leader you want to be. Over 1 million men have started their journey to freedom through the Conquer Series. It consists of 12-DVDs packed with strong Biblical teaching, powerful testimonies, and engaging action footage.
A personal journal and study guides are available to help keep you focused every day on achieving and maintaining your sobriety.
David in Austin, Texas wrote,
“There was a time many years ago that I truly believed I could never be free. Well that was/is a lie! I joined a local group to watch the Conquer Series to stay free, get more free and help those still in bondage. There is nothing else like this program!”
The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic 12-disc DVD series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.
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