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Becoming the Dad Your Child Needs by Giving Up Porn

By Kayla Sullivan

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The role of a mom and dad has always been vital to the well-being of a child.  But that role has taken on a new level of intensity with the proliferation of sexually explicit content.  What was once only available after driving to the local convenience store can now be accessed, often free of charge, with the click of a mouse.

If you are breathing, you’ve likely been exposed to pornographic material in one form or another. With the infiltration of it in today’s society, the number of people who continually seek out pornography is on the climb.  And it’s across all demographics, both male and female, young and old.

Porn Use Across Generations

Studies show that the younger the person, the more likely it is that they will seek out porn.

Covenant Eyes reports,

  • Of men studied, the following percentages acknowledge viewing pornography at least once per month: 79% of 18-30 year olds; 67% of 31-49 year olds; 49% of 50-68 year olds.
  • In comparison, the following percentages of women seek out porn at least once per month: 76% of 18-30 year olds; 16% of 31-49 year olds; 4% of 50-68 year olds.

Though it may seem like the condition of society is deteriorating, there are actually a number of individuals who recognize their struggle with sexual sin. They are choosing to step out to seek help and support. But often, they are met with a challenge. Frequently programs put in place to help them emphasize that the only approach to winning this battle is to try harder.

Recognizing the Root

The Conquer Series small group study takes on a different perspective. In this 12-DVD, biblically and scientifically based course, individuals are taught that trying harder will not work. While the outward problem is clearly the viewing of pornography, there is often an inward struggle that goes so much deeper.

One of the biggest issues addressed is the pain caused by the lack of a father. This doesn’t necessarily mean that no dad was present, but it could merely mean that they were disengaged emotionally. Alternatively, dad might have been there but may have withheld words of affirmation that contribute to one’s self-esteem.

This can then create a cycle of trying to medicate the pain, the void, and the emptiness that is felt inside. It’s not necessarily about what happened in the past. Mainly, the problem is created by what we have learned to believe about ourselves as a result of what happened to us. Our emotions are formed by what we believe, and our beliefs are formed by what we experience.

I once heard a man state that only about 5% of what we’re currently faced with has anything to do with the present. The rest of it – how we think, feel, and act – is directly related to the past.

Why the Emphasis on Men?

While the presence of both parents is vital to the well-being of a child, a dad’s role can often be a key in determining the success of a child.

The National Fatherhood Initiative reports,

“Daughters are less likely to engage in risky sexual behavior when they have consistent contact, and a sense of closeness with their dads.”

Men have a responsibility to teach their daughters how a lady should be treated. If they struggle with pornography, even if they think she is not aware, it is likely that they will be objectifying women in their personal life. As daughters grow and mature, they will recognize the attention that dad gives to women. They will also be attentive to the appearance of the woman gaining their dad’s attention. This can format concepts in their minds regarding their own clothing choice, as a means to gain the attention of the opposite sex.

Likewise, young ladies are alert to the relationship that their dad has with their mom.

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services also listed some key factors to be considered in their manual, The Importance of Fathers in the Healthy Development of Children.

1. It’s Not Just About Being a Good Dad

Many will argue that they are there for their kids. But are you teaching them, both in your relationship with them as well as the relationships you have with yourself and others, what it means to be a good man?

A man who has a good relationship with the mother of his children is more likely to be involved in the lives of his kids. As he gets to spend time with them regularly, children will tend to be psychologically and emotionally healthier.

And having a quality relationship between the parents will help the child with their choices later in life. Kids who witness affectionate, respectful, and sacrificial behavior on the part of their dad have an increased chance of treating their future spouse with the same level of love.

2. Self-Reflection

The way in which a man treats and interacts with the women in his life tends to be a direct reflection of how he views himself.

If your wife is not your priority, inwardly, it’s likely that you believe that you’re not worth anyone’s attention either. If you constantly point out her flaws, belittle, and berate her, an honest self-evaluation may reveal that you feel negativity towards yourself.

Ask yourself what the goal of your marriage is. It shouldn’t be raising your kids, or your financial success. Truthfully, relationships have two goals – connection or disconnection.

3. Repairing the Disconnect

If your wife no longer feels that she is your standard of beauty, she may quit trying. Instead of working to create and maintain distance in your relationship, ask God to show you how to demolish the battle lines that may have been formed throughout the years.

If your relationship has been severed as a result of a struggle with sexual addiction, it is going to take time to repair that relationship. Likely, both parties in the relationship are waiting on the other one to make the first move towards healing. Regardless of whether or not you already believe that you’re the one doing all of the work, make the choice to sacrificially take one more step in the right direction. Marriage vows, when spoken, are not based on the reciprocation of the other person. They are a pledge of your own personal love and devotion.

This will have a huge impact on your children as well. Studies have found that women tend to be better mothers when they enjoy the benefits of a happy relationship with the child’s father.

4. You’re Being Watched

As your kids mature and begin considering their own personal relationships, they will fall back on what they have seen. The way in which a dad treats the opposite sex will often be reflected in their adult children’s romantic relationships.

Kids will look to their dads on how to manage stress, spend time and money, and treat other people. If you’re a father, you hold the key to the behavior of your children, whether it’s good or bad.

Dads also play a crucial role in teaching children how to respect their own bodies. If a child witnesses their dad watching porn, they may develop a mindset that the exposure of one’s body is not only normal but expected. Teens, both boys and girls alike, can become confused and disgusted by finding their dad looking at women who appear similar in age to themselves.

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services acknowledges generational curses. They cite that the mistreatment of children and domestic abuse can likely be passed down from one generation to the next. However, they encourage parents that respect, caring, and kindness are also traits that can follow each generation.

Securing a Foundation for Kids

As a parent, I’d fight for my kids. I want to protect them, and I want them to be successful in life. I desire to guard and protect them from the poor choices that I’ve made. And I trust that many parents, when they get past the painful childhood experiences that they may have had themselves, desires the same for their kids.

The past only can continue to hold power over us if we’re willing to let it. Today is the day that you can stand up for yourself, your spouse, and your kids. Seek to find the healing for the pain that you’ve been carrying around. Choose to break free from the strongholds deployed by the enemy.

You don’t have to figure this out on your own. Quit trying to white-knuckle it, and instead surrender the negative thoughts and temptations to God. Don’t fall into the trap of merely trading one struggle for another.  Surround yourself with godly men who will listen to you,  support you, and hold you accountable on this journey.

A Powerful Tool to Help

Join a local Conquer Group, joining the ranks of other men who are stepping into the battle for purity. These men understand what you have been going through, and they will encourage you and uplift you in prayer every step of the way.

If you have teens who have already been exposed to pornography, whether at home or through peers, consider utilizing the Conquer Series with your family.

Jeff Bush in Alabama shares,

“Once a week, I would sit with my boys and watch a DVD. I could tell my boys were impacted by them. They both expressed gratefulness that I purchased and watched these with them. That’s significant coming from teenage boys! To do it over again, I would have purchased the Conquer Series sooner and started watching age-appropriate sections with them at a younger age.”

Make the choice to seek freedom for yourself, and healing for your family.

Order the Conquer Series today!


The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic 12-disc DVD series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.


Get started, and order the Conquer Series today.


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