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6 Lies Men Believe When They Struggle With Porn

By Luke Gibbons

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The struggle with pornography is lonely and secretive. A man usually goes to a secluded or private area where he can be alone with just a phone, computer or magazine.

Because of the need to keep his viewing habits totally to himself, he begins to withdraw from contact with his family and friends. He turns into a one-man army to try and battle pornography. He has to develop his own mental defenses to justify his situation.

Unfortunately, many of his thoughts and reasons prove to be lies. The longer he tells himself these lies, the more he begins to accept them as truth. This allows the pornography to grip him even tighter.

Six lies seem to be very common to men struggling with porn:

1. “I can stop at any time.”

This is a man’s ego talking. They believe that ‘a real man’ is in control at all times. He should control his emotions, be self-reliant, be able to fix any situation, and refuse to show any type of weakness.

But John Doyel, who leads the 180 Recover ministry at Vineyard Columbus, noted, “Apart from the spiritual battle you are in by simply being a Christian, you are in a physical battle with a physical addiction. You have literally become a drug addict. The drugs you are addicted to are those released in your brain when you become sexually aroused.”

The truth is you cannot stop at any time on your own. The recovery process takes about six months. You need people you can reach out to for support on a constant basis.

As Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls down and has no one to help him up!” (NIV).

2. “It’s not my fault.”

Denial is a self-defense reaction. It’s often easier to blame someone else for our problems instead of taking responsibility for them. A man’s pornography usage is no different.

It’s not your wife’s fault, your accountability groups’ fault, or the fault of any other person or situation you wish to blame.

It’s hard to admit to having a pornography problem. Mike Genung, the founder of Blazing Grace, explains why it is so difficult.

“A man who’s in bondage to sexual sin is self-absorbed, critical, bitter, and empty. Porn/sex addiction/adultery is his god. He’s like a kid who’s been given a big, sugary, teeth-rotting, lust-lollipop; anyone who tells him he has to let it go is going to get the full force of his fury. He also fears being found out because it will blow his cover as “the good Christian;” when you call him on his sin he’s going to do what he can to twist the blame on you.”

3. “It’s not hurting anyone.”

This lie could not be farther from the truth. Your pornography usage hurts your wife, your children, your neighbors, your friends, your church family, and so many others. It destroys the trust, respect, and love those relationships are built on.

By viewing porn, you are also supporting the massive industry that physically and mentally abuses the actors and actresses, destroys their bodies, and degrades them as objects and not humans.

Luke Gilkerson, the author of Your Brain on Porn, said,

“‘Free porn’ is a misnomer. Pornography always costs somebody something. And it’s the women and girls in our culture, surrounded by boys and men with porn expectations, who often end up paying the highest price.”

Matt Fradd of Covenant Eyes asked, “Do you want to be the man who loves one woman well for the rest of your life, gladly sacrificing yourself for the good of another—experiencing an intimate sexual bond? Or do you want to be the guy who sneaks off to get a fix from your computer screen and your hand? Which one of these sounds closer to the wedding vows you spoke and the man you wish to become?”

4. “If anyone finds out, I’m finished.”

You know that pornography bondage may come at a very high price. You could lose your family, lose your job, and damage your physical and mental health from the stress of trying to hide your secret.

That’s why getting involved with Christian men in an accountability small group is so important. They are there to support and encourage you in your porn struggle, not to judge or condemn you.

Author Scott Kedersha said,

“Finally, I could not hide my sin any longer. The tension between my outward appearance and inward sin struggle got too intense. One night in community group, I shared with the other five men in my group about my lifelong struggle with pornography. I gave them the gory details, apologized to them for lying to and hiding from them, and verbally vomited all over them. I expected them to laugh at me, tell the pastor on me and kick me out of the church. Instead, they thanked me for sharing, shared they had a similar struggle, and they prayed for me.”

Ultimately, you have much more to gain than lose by being accountable to other Christian men.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (NIV)

5. “Once I get married, it’ll go away.”

Marriage will not release you from your bondage to pornography. Marriage actually may make it worse, by affecting another person besides yourself.

When you view porn, your brain literally changes. Over a short time, new pathways are formed in your brain that become more embedded with each viewing of pornographic images.

Your wedding day does not make them magically disappear. New paths can be created during recovery, but marriage alone is not the answer.

Aaron Smith of Husband Revolution explains his experience. “The cure was not getting married; the cure was surrendering to God and believing that He could set me free.”

6. “I’m worthless.”

No matter what you have done in your life or are doing now, you are not worthless. Jesus Christ proved that by dying on a cross for your sins – all of them. That includes pornography bondage.

Nothing you will ever do can change that. God himself calls you His child. He is waiting to help you defeat pornography. He wants you to be free.

Overcoming this lie and understanding your true worth comes with knowing God’s promises for you. Dr. Ted Roberts is the founder of Pure Desire Ministries and host of a cinematic small group course called the Conquer Series. He describes how God’s word helped him overcome this lie,

“I’m tired of living what my stepfather said was my destiny. I want to live under what my Heavenly Father says my destiny is.”Click To Tweet

Stop Believing The Lies & Start Living The Truth

You can break free from these lies and your pornography struggle, but you need a process. The Conquer Series is a powerful small group course that uses dramatic video, powerful testimonies and solid Biblical teaching to guide you to a porn-free life.

Conley Nichols is one of 750,000 men who have been through the Conquer Series. He shares how it impacted him,

“Great Series, the best I have ever seen, it has changed my life…”

Your church may already use the Conquer Series and have small groups that are meeting now, so ask your church leaders. Or you can join an online group.

Order the Conquer Series or join a group today.


The Conquer Series is a powerful cinematic 12-disc DVD series which is helping over 1 million men conquer porn and walk in freedom.


Get started, and order the Conquer Series today.


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